The not so glamorous sides of motherhood

I love being a mother. It was what I grew up wanting to be. I know that that isn't true for all women, but for me it was. I wanted children so desperately the first years of our marriage but patiently waited until I had finished school. Then, so perfectly, got pregnant during the last month of my undergraduate program.

Pregnancy seems so far away now. Because of the huge blessing that comes at the end of it, you seem to forget all the bad parts. While I was pregnant I tried hard not to dwell on the negative aspects of pregnancy because, really, what is more miraculous than carrying a human child inside of you? Seriously, nothing. I loved pregnancy. The first three months weren't that great. Sure, I was nauseous, I lost a bunch of hair, I couldn't eat things I normally loved, I broke out in zits...I could go on. But then there were the months where I felt the "pregnancy glow". I felt prettier then than I sometimes do now. I was constantly feeling this tiny baby kick my insides, reminding me that she would be arriving soon.

Then the baby comes. I can't even put into words how amazing that experience is. Other moms out there understand what I mean when I say that it is such a miraculous experience. The baby comes out and despite all the pain you just went through, you feel a special bond with this little person that you are meeting for the first time. I wish that you could somehow get a glimpse of your sweet child before they arrive so you can have an even better perspective on the whole thing. I remember Josh saying a short while after Elliott was born how if he would have known she would be this great, he would have talked to her more while she was in my belly. It's true though. Even though you know that there is certainly someone inside of you, you haven't met them so it's hard to truly grasp it. And then they come out and you spend the next few months in shock that this little person was inside of you just weeks before.

I have the huge blessing of being able to stay home with Elliott. I know that not all women get that opportunity or perhaps don't choose it, but Josh works his tail off so that I can stay home. He knows that is what's important to me and he makes it possible. So I spend night and day with my sweet girl. We play, sing songs and read books. I teach her words, signs and all kinds of things about her world. We have an amazing time.

At this point, you are probably wondering why on earth this blog post is titled the "not so glamorous sides of motherhood..". It all sounds pretty glamorous so far. Well, here it goes. As much as women are born to naturally nurture and care for children, it is hard. There are some days when I think I can't do it. I get little to no sleep, and the idea of trying to keep a baby happy all day sounds miserable. But that loving bond somehow keeps me going.

There are days when I am not only a nurse, teacher, chauffeur, maid, and chef, but I also serve as a burp cloth, a climbing wall, a chew toy, a kleenex, a bib, and on particularly rough days, a diaper.  Most of the time I laugh those moments off. It isn't her fault that she happened to sneeze just as I put a large spoonful of carrots and peas in her mouth. It isn't her fault that she is teething and my shoulder happens to make a great chew toy. It isn't her fault that her diaper got twisted and poop leaked on my shirt...You get the point.

It is not an uncommon occurrence for me to change my clothes 3-4 times a day. It is also not an uncommon occurrence to see me with my hair pinned back without any makeup. There are some days when I don't get a shower. I just don't have the time. (Hence my comment about feeling prettier when I was pregnant than I sometimes do now.)

As a Latter Day Saint I sometimes feel the pressure to "have it all together". It seems like everyone does. If she can homeschool 5 kids, use cloth diapers, make her own baby food, always have a clean house and somehow still manage to look like a super model everyday, why can't I? But then I have to take a step back and think...even though I may not look like I, personally, have it together (remember the lack of makeup and pinned up hair?), I have to remember that I am doing what is best for my daughter. Maybe today, doing what is best for Elliott is spending extra time with her and skipping out on a shower. Maybe tomorrow I will get to shower. Let's hope at least.

As a mom you are constantly giving of every thing you have to take care of and make your children happy. You get little to no time to yourself and when you do, it is often spent doing something for your family, like cleaning or cooking. At the end of the day I often feel like I have given literally everything and that there is nothing more to give. The even harder part (for me at least) is that this little person that I am spending every waking second taking care of, doesn't have the ability to thank me. There aren't many times in your life that you literally give everything you have to someone without being thanked, but being a mom is one of them. Thank goodness for husbands and friends who appreciate what you do.

But despite all those hard moments and insecurities, there are times when I look in Elliott's eyes and I see that she is happy. I see that she is content. I see that I am providing her with every need she could imagine. In those moments I realize that I am doing something much greater than a day-to-day job. Sure I would probably receive a lot more praise in the work force. I would probably be more respected for being a strong working woman. But ultimately, I understand that my role, while I am here on earth, is to be a mother. And with that job, I will get pooped on, spit up on, hit, pinched, bit, and puked on, but I know it will be worth it. Even though I might not get a thank you for many years to come, I know that I am doing what is right for my family.

It can be so hard to stay positive when you are constantly running off very little sleep and you have a cranky, teething baby that wants to be held all day, leaving you no time or energy to clean your house or feel as though you have accomplished anything in your day...but then I hear these words...

"There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous [mother].  
“Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”

I am so thankful for the opportunity and blessing that I have to be a mother. Even though there are many days when I feel like giving up, and that not so glamorous side of motherhood exposes itself, I know that I am doing what is best for my family and for my sweet Elliott. It is her smiles and her beautiful, perfect little self that keeps me going.