Happy Chart

A couple weeks ago, I started noticing that our house was not the "happy" place I wanted it to be. Elliott was constantly in a fit of distress. She was throwing tantrums over the smallest things. She was hitting, slapping, throwing things and completely ignoring any of my requests. Josh and I went through a few different forms of discipline. We started with your everyday "counting to three" method. That worked for a couple weeks, but she started ignoring our requests. We decided to implement time-outs when counting to three didn't produce the right results. Her timeouts were in a chair or in the corner of the room we were in. We did between 1 and 3 minute timeouts. It was apparent that Elliott did not like timeouts. The first little while went great. Each time she went to timeout, we had a short talk about why she was there and what behavior she could have exhibited rather than the one she did. Then we would apologize or "fix" the problem. But, just like counting, the success of timeouts quickly wore off. She would throw even bigger tantrums, hit more or repeat the behavior almost immediately. It was obvious this wasn't working.

I read somewhere online about doing time-ins. That was our next approach. Instead of putting her in the corner on her own, when she misbehaved we sat her on our lap and talked through the process. But I realized real quick that this wasn't going to be enough for her. I could tell she loved it and was excited to not have timeouts. She would give fake apologies, a big hug and go along her way, just to repeat the behavior a short time later.

I decided that it was time for some kind of tangible evidence of her behavior. I had seen lots of different behavior charts in classrooms while teaching, but every one I saw charted behavior from good to bad. I didn't want anything bad on our chart. So we appropriately named it "Elliott's Happy Chart". This chart is 100% positive reinforcement. Not only has it been a huge help for Elliott, it has also helped me be a better mom. Anytime I see Elliott doing any type of positive behavior (listening to instructions, being nice to her sister, using the potty, picking up her toys, or being happy) I comment on that behavior and tell her she can place a sticker on her chart. Each time she adds five more stickers, Elliott gets to draw a popsicle stick from a jar. Each popsicle stick has something written on it. We have things like: mommy date, daddy date, $.25 in her piggy bank, Elliott's choice, bake cookies, go for ice cream, choose from the prize bucket (bucket full of dollar store items), etc. 

I cannot tell you the difference this has made in our home. Not only is Elliott more motivated to be good and behave, I am constantly looking for opportunities to praise her good behavior. Even the simplest high-five brings the biggest smile across Elliott's face. 

Obviously there are times when we still use discipline. There are certain things that cannot go unnoticed (putting herself or others in danger). But 90% of the time now, we use this chart to motivate Elliott to change her behavior or make good choices. I love finding new ways to stretch myself as a mom. And I love finding ways to make our house more of a peaceful, loving home. 

Here's to motherhood!